*Sigh* I apologize if I have mislead you, you see, there is no 5 step list here, no guidelines that have been miraculously given to me in a dream that you should listen to. There is just honesty, fear, and a girl who is overwhelmed.
I often get this strong feeling that I'm not doing "enough," that there is "more." These mystical words lead to a place of discontent in my life. I feel stuck, lost and unguided. It's hard to feeling like you need to do something but to have no direction as to what that something must be.
These days it feels like wanting to change the world is a required state of mind. I do desperately want to make a difference, even just in one person, but I always feel like I'm somehow missing the boat.
In some of the darker moments (like when my car dies for the third time in a month) I feel as though I just need to leave, to just move overseas and start living a missional life. Lucky for me, God and I have a pretty solid communication stream in which he blatantly says NO to these crazy ideas. While someday I would LOVE to live overseas, that day is not now. For now there is still much that needs to happen. For now I need to fix my car, pay off debt, build relationships and improve on ME.
The thing is that there is now and there is then and all that I can do is deal with the now. For now my car is dead, and that might set back my paying off debt plan, which will in turn set back my "I would love to move overseas so I should start saving" plan. If I try to do it all at once I will fail, it will not work because I would burn out.
Here's to the now, to living outside of the pressure of the world and focusing on the steps that you need to take.
Love,
Keely
