I have unfortunate news for you.
There are no cupcakes today. I haven't made cupcakes in about three weeks.
You see, the last time I made cupcakes I brought them to a church event, like I usually do. But this was our anniversary party, and several other people had been tasked with the same request, bake and bring cupcakes.
Now, that should be fun right? It means that I didn't have to bake 200 cupcakes, it means that I get to try out some others and it gives a chance for a variety of people to serve the church.
The problem is that this is not how I saw it. I saw it as other people stepping in my territory. As people continued to ask me if I made all of the cupcakes or tell me that their cupcake was delicious, only to find out that it wasn't one that I made, a problem slowly arose.
I found my identity and my purpose in baking for others, and not only baking, but specifically baking cupcakes, and when that identity was challenged, I broke down.
After all of this, my good friend challenged me to maybe not make cupcakes for a month, or maybe longer. She also challenged me to write down a list of ten reasons that God and others love me that had nothing to do with baking, or cooking.
Wow, that was a challenge. It's only TEN things but it took me a couple of days to get the list completed, and even still, the list is incredibly general. Things like "caring, hospitable, loyal" made it on the list, but what does that really say about me? That there isn't anything specific that matters, outside of baking?
I'm still working through all of that, and I'm a little stuck. So in addition to having a slight identity crisis over the past few weeks, I've been incredibly lackadaisical. I haven't FELT like blogging, or cleaning, or getting off my couch a whole lot. I still make it to work every day, but I just go home and crash and I'm not sure why.
All of this is to say that there isn't a cupcake recipe for you this week, and there may not be one next week. I'm exploring my baking options. Last week I brought mini scones to church and that was pretty fun, however people were kind of confused. This week I'm brining chocolate covered marshmallows, so we'll see how people react to that.
I apologize for the long winded-ness of this, if you made it to the end, thank you. And I would like to challenge you to realize that you are not what you DO but simply who you ARE and who God MADE you to be. It's a hard thing to wrap your head around.
I am more than a baker, more than a Production Coordinator, more than a caring person, because I am a child of God and he created me to be more than any of that. Now I just have to convince myself to BELIEVE that.
Have a great Tuesday and don't ever forget to just BE you.